Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
