i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
