Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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