I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
