just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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