Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
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There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
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It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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