Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
