So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
His nipple licking is glorious
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