my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize