It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize