There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
