he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Congratulations! We have a period
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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