Michael Bay diarrhea
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
