But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
