I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
