..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
