the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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