I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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