We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
