If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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