I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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