i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
