I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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