there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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