As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
My underwear smells like fireworks.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
There's always time for handjobs
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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