getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize