apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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