My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
