She tied me up with her honor cords...
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
She's the barista slut.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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