You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
