Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
