His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
