Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
