Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
