i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Randomize
