She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
