hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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