Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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