Jerry, you need to find god
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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