True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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