shes about as inviting as chlamydia
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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