I cockslap morals
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
