So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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