The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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