Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Randomize
