You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
