I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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