Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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