I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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