There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
We smell like vodka and hangover
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
