Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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