We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
