the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He? As in you personified your dick?
Randomize
