What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
