There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
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She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize