the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
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all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
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