i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
