Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
