escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
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Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
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There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
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