I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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