I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
