sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
