I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I just had sex on a roof
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
