She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
