I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
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Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
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dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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