I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
