I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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