guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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