i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
